


Yes, This is Real

by StarlightHawke



Category: Mystic Messenger (Video Game)
Genre: Christmas, Fluff, M/M, Recovery, background yooseven
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-10
Updated: 2019-01-10
Packaged: 2019-10-08 00:17:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,573
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17375906
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/StarlightHawke/pseuds/StarlightHawke
Summary: If he pays close enough attention, he can tell all the ways that this isn’t real.The tree is too green. (But it wasn’t a few hours ago, covered in white and heavier than anything he’s tried to lift before.)The fire is too perfect. (The way it cracks and pops just like in a DVD? Please, no way it could look like that without some special effects.)





	Yes, This is Real

**Author's Note:**

> I adapted this from a nsfw secret Santa I wrote about Ray/V. Hopefully I swapped characters well enough!

In the corner of a dim room sits a tree. To any onlooker, there’s nothing special about it. Dark green, fairly fresh, a few melting snowflakes clinging to the branches before dripping onto the carpeted floor. Shadows dance along the walls, the soft glow of the fire changing pine needles into all manners of shapes and creatures. The gentle aroma wafting from it mixes with the comforting smell of burning wood and the cinnamon candle sitting on the coffee table. Near the bottom of the tree lies a box filled to the brim with a variety of ornaments both old and new, each one aching to take a place among the green to show off their beauty. It’s an entrancing sight, if one has never seen anything like it before.

A man stands just inside the entrance to the area, eyes sweeping over everything again and again, letting it all soak in. It does as good of a job as trying to mix oil with water; a part of him remains convinced this is a dream, the desires of his childish self manifesting in the only form they can. If he pays close enough attention, he can tell all the ways that this isn’t real.

The tree is too green. (But it wasn’t a few hours ago, covered in white and heavier than anything he’s tried to lift before.)

The fire is too perfect. (The way it cracks and pops just like in a DVD? Please, no way it could look like that without some special effects.)

The ornaments are too colorful. (A mixture of reds and greens, blues and purples. A large maroon heart and a silver one stuffed in the side of the box, homemade and slightly uneven from when his fingers shook while trying to line everything up.)

The room is too warm. (Cold, he’s used to being cold. Even when the heat was on it was still cold, which is why he dressed in layers and god, being in this single sweater feels  _ wrong.) _

The absence of lingering fear and distrust in the air. (In fact, it feels rather the opposite. Safe and, dare he think, loved?)

Soft palms press against tired eyes as he attempts to rub the sleep away. Perhaps it will just take the realization that this is a dream for him to wake from it? Lucid dreamers have that ability and while he’s not special enough to be anything remarkable like that, perhaps this once it can work? A blink, then another followed by the roll of his eyes to try to change the scene but everything remains as it was, save the shadows. A failure, just like everything he does. Next is the sharp jolt of pain that accompanies the pinch of his skin, fading away into a dull throb before disappearing entirely. Still, the same.

“This isn’t real,” he proclaims quietly, shaking his head in frustration. “I know it isn’t. So why can’t I wake up?” 

To say that he flinches in surprise when soft laughter fills the room would be an understatement; if it were possible to jump entirely out of one’s skin, he would be but bare bones. A flash of white in the corner of his eye draws his attention, gaze flicking over to the newcomer. Striding toward him with an affectionate smile on his face is a man who causes conflicting thoughts and emotions to arise, old ways of thinking clashing with what he knows is the truth.

Or, well. What he  _ thinks _ he knows is the truth. If this is a dream, who’s to say that’s correct?

“Too beautiful to be true, right?” There’s no condescension in the way it’s said, no hint of sharp teasing meant to bleed any confidence out of him. The man stops next to him, not too close yet not too far, and turns to face the fire as well. In his hands are two steaming cups filled with a dark brown liquid. Surely they must be what heaven smells like and he doesn’t hesitate to take one when it’s offered. “Like me~ God’s mistake. But, Ray, this  _ is _ real. You know that, right, babe?” 

Ray doesn’t have to be able to see the eyes hidden behind the white fringes of hair to know they’re filled with concern. That’s how most people look at him these days. He’s used to it.

Only it hurts more when it’s Hyun looking at him like that. The last thing he wants is to be a burden to him, just another person to chisel away at the kindness he radiates. 

So he doesn’t answer, choosing instead to softly blow on the hot chocolate, fingers warm against the ceramic mug. 

And for a moment, the only sounds in the room are those of the fire. Hyun isn’t giving up yet, Ray knows this. Something is going on in that mind of his, words being strung together to try to convince him that this isn’t some wonderful concoction of his mind. 

But it has to be, right? There’s no way this could be his life. He doesn’t deserve it, never has. To be a Choi is to be born as the scum of a earth. An airhead, a maggot, an idiot. Even with a clear head he’d return to be under Rika’s thumb because it’s all he’s worth. To be punished for any minor infraction and forced to drink the elixir if she doubts him? That’s a fate fit for him. Not… not this. Not a warm room filled with a tree and decorations, nor Christmas. Especially not the love of the man who rescued him, who helped him find a rehab he’d be happy in. Not finding himself almost a year down the road of recovery in Hyun’s apartment, preparing to have his first Christmas with someone he never once considered falling in love with - and later, his brother.

“Hey.” Hyun shifts to face him, lips downturned and tight, a hand landing on Ray’s shoulder. “I don’t know what you’re thinking babe, but please believe me. This is real.” Hot chocolate sloshes in his cup as he gestures around the room. “You’re here, in my apartment. And earlier we made the trek to find the perfect tree. You got so cold and I gave you my jacket, which you looked handsome in. Carrying it back was an adventure too, you wanted to help and then we were beset by fans wanting a picture of my gorgeous face.” That soft laugh tinkles again, tugging on the strings of Ray’s heart. “But we made it. Set it up and then sent you to my bed for a well-deserved nap.” 

Yeah, that sounds familiar. Ray nods slowly, eyebrows knitting together. The silky fabric of his sweater rubs his arm as a hand travels down it, from shoulder to wrist, fingers lazily tracing circles in his palm. 

“We have about an hour before Saeyoung and Yoosung arrive.” Hyun’s hand slips down the rest of the way, taking Ray’s in his own and pulling it up toward his face. “Tell me what I can do to help.” 

Ray’s gaze follows the path of his own arm, breath hitching when lips press against his wrist, his knuckles, the back of his hand. What he needs… he needs to relax. To accept what is around him and what’s going on, to free himself from the anxiety that still accompanies any visit from his twin. But even after all of this time spent in therapy and rehab, Ray doesn’t know the best way to soothe himself. 

Especially when his insecurities are still raging inside. “Can you…” Nerves cause his voice to come out even higher pitched than normal and he stops, forcing himself to take a deep breath. It’s hard to ask for validation when he’s not positive he deserves it. Eyes dropping to stare at their feet, he swallows thickly and tries again. “Can you tell me how you feel about me.”

Then he’s surrounded by warmth, long arms wrapped around him and pulling him close. Ray likes being held like this, when he can place his head on Hyun’s chest and hear the steady thumping of his heart. His own arms thread around to lock around Hyun’s low back and he leans into him, letting him bear some of his weight.

“Of course I can. I’ll tell you that anytime you want.” Whispers tickle the top of his head, fingers beginning to scratch pleasingly at the base of his scalp, just the way he likes. “You’re the strongest person I know. You’ve gone through so much, suffered so much pain and yet here you are. Still standing, still pushing forward. You’re working in forgiving your brother and becoming friends with the RFA.” The embrace tightens, the cold tip of Hyun’s nose pressing into white hair and sending a shiver through Ray. “You’re so kind and caring, and you help out those around you as much as you can. You’re such an amazing person, Ray, and I love you with every fiber of my being.”

Beautiful words, said with poise and filled with an emotion Ray’s still unused to hearing directed at him. Yet words are words, meaningless until proven otherwise; flimsy promises broken by placing too much weight on them. To trust in them is a challenge he has yet to overcome, scarred by too many times when those he trusted said one thing while blatantly doing or meaning the opposite.

 

_ I’ll never leave. _

_ We can escape, together. _

_ We’ll take care of you. _

_ Trust me, I know what’s best for you. _

_ He left you. _

_ He hates you. _

_ He cast you aside because you were a burden to him. _

_ You should be thankful I saved you. _

 

“Babe.”

God, he’s such a weakling. The burning of tears forming frustrates him and he squeezes his eyes shut, turning his face to hide it in a soft grey shirt. Crying isn’t helpful, all it does is confirm his own weakness. 

“Ray.”

He shakes his head, hands clinging to the back of Hyun’s shirt as though it’s an anchor to keep him from being swept away in the tide of self-loathing. By now Hyun’s actions are predictable, a fact that helps keep him steady around him. There’s rarely any unexpected occurrences. Which means right now there’s going to be an attempt to make eye contact, to wipe away tears and soothe his uncertainties with gentle kiss.

Sure enough, Hyun tries to untangle them and put some distance between their bodies, but Ray refuses to let go. It won’t help, not now. More words, filled with sugar and honey to try to sanitize the gaping wound in his heart? He’s too far gone at this point, long past the point of no return. Hyun should give up on him and spend his affections on someone worthy of him instead of a broken husk that doesn’t even know who he is.

A soft sigh, fingers resuming petting through his hair. “I… can’t say I understand what you’ve been through or how you’ve been hurt. I know that it’s difficult for you to take others on their words alone, and even harder to accept anything good into your life. Maybe you don’t see it yourself, but you  _ are _ getting better. You’re improving, learning to trust the world around you more every day. There hasn’t been a bad day in a few months, so I suppose we were due one, but... how can I prove to you that you  _ do _ deserve this?” Ray’s shoulders begin to shake with restrained sobs, his own hatred only doubling with every word Hyun says. If it’s true that he’s getting better, then there’s really no excuse for today. No excuse for falling apart and doubting the reality of everything; yet here he is, a mess of a man, and he hates himself for it. 

Time passes achingly slow while Ray struggles to get himself under control. It takes surrendering to the trembling and the tears, hiccups wracking through his thin frame before he begins to feel more stable. To his credit, Hyun keeps him close the entire time, humming quietly and rubbing his back. This isn’t the first time but it still manages to surprise Ray that the other doesn’t bolt for the hills at the initial sign of a breakdown, so when he gives a final sniff and pulls back to lock eyes with him, there’s still shock written across his face.

“You’re still here,” he murmurs, arms falling limply to his side. The love burning in Hyun’s eyes is too hot, too painful and he’s forced to look away lest he be scorched. 

“Of course I am. I’ll never leave you. Never, my prince.”

A hand entwines with his own once more, soft footsteps the only warning he gets before Hyun’s tugging him over closer to the fire. His feet stumble over each other as he follows, curious of what may be coming. The air between them has changed in a way he can’t quite identify, heavier yet softer around the edges. Unable to shake the idea that they’re about to breach something they’ve danced around several times before, Ray doesn’t fight when Hyun halts in front of crackling flames, pulling him snug against him.

Emotions swirl enchantingly in familiar red eyes, reeling Ray in and leaving him like putty in Hyun’s hands. Perhaps it’s something he should be more wary of - how truly weak he is to any scraps of genuine affection directed his way - but the joyful melody bursting from his soul drowns out any misgivings he normally experiences. It’s easy to believe everything Hyun has said in the past half hour has been the truth when he looks at him like this, as though Ray is his entire world. Warmth from a hand upon his cheek eclipses that of the fire and he leans into it, eyelashes fluttering as more tears begin to gather. 

Happiness is the base of these rather than the despair of before. One trickles slowly over soft skin only to be kissed away and god, the way love swells up in his heart makes him feel like he could simply burst at the seams. 

Instead of leaving after vanquishing that solitary tear, those lips choose to trace a path down to the corner of his mouth, quirking into a smile when Ray turns his head to press his own against them. His heart flutters at the simple kiss, light pressure giving way to a short break to gather breath before returning. Hyun’s thumb rubs gently on his cheek, fingers curling under his jaw to force his face to tilt up further. The slight shift in angle allows the kiss to deepen, for Hyun to somehow managed to pour even more affection into the action. When he pulls back, Ray is breathless, gazing up at him in adoration.

“I love you more than I could ever express, Ray Choi.” And this time, he finds himself believing the words, leaning into Hyun and clutching at him like an anchor keeping him from drifting away in a sea of anxiety. “What do you think about beginning to decorate the tree, hmm? Maybe it’ll help keep you busy.”

Ray nods but waits a beat to separate from Hyun, choosing to press their lips together once more with a soft hum. “I think, as long as you’re here, I’m going to be okay.” 

 


End file.
